Clingy Babies
I’m curious to know if you have a clingy baby? What about a clingy 5 year old?
If you recall from reading here or on any of my other blogs, my children simply adore my mother. I never had a grandparent that I was as crazy about as my kids are by my mother. The oldest has always preferred her over me. The youngest went through spells but he has mostly been a momma’s boy.
But, in recent weeks, he had basically turned to his Nanny and it didn’t matter what I was doing or where I was going, he did not want to leave his Nanny’s house. The older one as I said, has always been that way.
And then…………..
You knew that was coming, right? And then, my mom and I had a little argument. And, while my husband and I rarely argue, we don’t hide it from the kids at all when we disagree. But, the arguments they’ve witnessed between my mother and I are way worse and always have been than anything they hear between my husband and I.
Since that time, both kids have asked to go to my mom’s less. Now, my mom had a chemo treatment last Monday and she has been quite sick. So, it’s not like they could go see her anyway, but honestly, they simply haven’t asked. And, when the 5 year old found out that I was going out of town last Sunday (he didn’t know until Saturday), he literally walked around the house holding on to my pants leg.
By Sunday when I left, I was upset terribly because it was obvious he too was bothered. When I returned, they were both just head over heels with joy to see me (needless to say, I went on many trips last year and they never acted this way at all). Neither of them asked to go to my mom’s at all this week. Not.at.all.
They did go to church with her today as usual but last Sunday when they knew I was leaving that afternoon, neither of them went. I couldn’t tell you the last time they chose to stay home instead of go anywhere with my mother.
I don’t mean this disrespectful at all and I certainly hope that my children forget about the argument soon. I don’t want my children to have bad feelings toward my mom.
Our kids go to bed in their own beds but migrate to ours during the night. And this past week, the 5 year old will wake up if I get up to go to the bathroom to ask me where I’m going. And, many times, too many too count, he has twirled my hair in his sleep and just repeated “mommy, mommy”. He hasn’t called me “mommy” in a long time.
I have to say that having a clingy 5 year old is no where near like having a clingy toddler but I do hope that he gets his confidence back soon. He doesn’t seem to be too bothered to do things like go to basketball practice with his dad without me but yesterday when they went to the game early to have photos, he asked multiple times if I would be there by game time.
So, I wonder…anyone have any thoughts on this?
This post has 2 comments
January 18th, 2010
I’m no expert, but I do have 3 kids [all older now]. I would suggest talking to him. Ask him how things are going and if anything is bothering him. Maybe talk to him while baking cookies or some other activity so it’s not so obvious. You could also bring up the fighting and say how sometimes people argue, but it doesn’t mean they stop loving each other.
My middle child [now 16] talks to me all the time about things that bother her. Sometimes I recognize there is a problem and ask; other times she just tells me. She did this when she was younger, too. It builds trust and comfort between parent and a willingness to communicate. And that’s something you definitely want as your kids get older.
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January 18th, 2010
Thanks Anne, I’ve asked them both when we were “snuggling” at night if they were happy, excited about our upcoming trip, etc and neither of them have said anything. The 7 year old does just say what is on his mind and even if he has just overheard a conversation, he will ask about it. For instance, my husband and I were discussing our trip to Disney and I said something like “well you need to decide when we are leaving or you won’t have a place to sleep” and for several days the 7 year old asked me “do we have somewhere to sleep on our trip to Disney” and “are we going to sleep in a hotel every night or do we have to sleep in the car one night”. So, I know that came from him listening in when we thought he wasn’t paying attention.
The youngest is a horse of a different color. I have no clue what that child hears and knows. His Sunday School teacher was telling me how he was going to do so well when he starts school and stuff like that. I asked her if he could count past four because he will not do it for us. She was shocked. She said he was excelling (she is a former 1st grade teacher) and knows all his colors and shape, etc. I had no idea. Even when he was potty training, it took forever and he didn’t even talk about it. We tried, he was over 3.5 before he actually potty trained but he would never even discuss why he didn’t want to sue the potty. My husband is like that, drives me nuts because their shell is so hard to break into.
Thanks again and I’m going to keep at him when we are doing fun stuff like you said……..we shall see!