I never thought I would have to do this but…..HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted in Featured educationOk, there is never shame in asking for help. But, I’ve always thought of myself as being fairly knowledgeable when it comes to educating my children, parenting my children and rearing my children. Unfortunately we are experiencing some weak moments as adults in this family and our children are overwhelming all of us.
Let me first tell you that we do believe in spanking our children. However, we have finally, after several years of discussion agreed that it is to be a deliberate action, one done when we have all calmed down and then only after explaining the situation to the boys.
It really started the Monday before Thanksgiving. They woke me up at 6 AM with the notion of training for the Olympics. Well, if skydiving is now an Olympic sport. They were jumping from the sofa onto the beanbag. Sure, fun times.
Now, our kids are rough. They are rowdy and we frequently have to remind them not to run in the house. One of the most basic problems with that is that they can get on one end of our home and run straight through to the other and as long as they don’t fall or trip over toys they’ve left out, it’s a straight shot. I assume it is just way to tempting.
On Tuesday morning of Thanksgiving week, it was hockey. Yea, with hockey sticks sent by my in-laws and a puck from the air hockey table. By the time my husband arrived home on Wednesday for a couple of days off, I was on the verge of tears.
And to be honest, Ditto Boy has got in trouble at school multiple times since then. And the other one, Mini Me, he has been plain unruly and difficult. Some days my mom will take them to her house and most days she has brought them home because they won’t behave. I have to tell you, when my mother has deemed you as misbehaving, you can guarantee that most any other adult would have given up hours before. She simply has a lot of patience. But these boys are pushing her buttons.
Then, I find out last week that my cousin had to take Ditto Boy outside during church drama practice and give him a real serious but unpleasant talking to. And, then, again during services, he had to take him out for a chat. I was furious. I informed my cousin that under no uncertain terms was he ever to tolerate that behavior again. I explained that he had two options, spank the kid, or I was going to spank him. And, then I reminded him that I am totally bigger than him and can simply sit on him until he agrees to comply with my request.
Tonight the boys had practice and tomorrow night is the actual performance. And, at some point during the practice, I get a message from my cousin that says “your kid needs a xanax”. I asked which one. He indicated that Ditto Boy did and then he decided that maybe it would just be better if he had a xanax. You have to understand that we throw the word xanax and baby crack around like they are as common as Tylenol. It’s just our way of joking.
Finally he sent a message saying they were on their way home and his exact words were “I don’t know how ya’ll do it, I’d be in jail by now”. I nicely sent him a message back telling him that no, he wouldn’t be in jail but he would probably be begging me to force his children to behave.
Honest, we spent the entire day today sending the kids back and forth to their rooms. It basically all started several days ago when my mom brought them home for misbehaving and I sent them to their room. And that night, we decided that we had to crack down on them and it had to be now.
The oldest knows everything. He will argue with me until the freakin’ cows come home. He has two major issues right now, I’d love your advice.
1. Every time he asks a question, he gets an answer. And if he doesn’t like the answer, he asks again. And then he asks again. So, starting 2 day ago, each time he questions my authority (or his dad’s or my mom’s), we’ve sent him to his room. Sent him to his room wailing I might add.
He returns only to do the same thing over again.
2. He is getting way too rough. He has shut Mini Me’s hands in a door 2 times in as many days. He pushes him, he tries to run over him and is basically rude and nasty to him. Again, each time results in a trip to his room, wailing the whole time.
I might add that 2 days ago, they spent almost 3 hours in their own rooms, alone, with the doors shut.
Mini Me has a different set of behavior issues going on. He has a temper. And I mean he boils at about 50 degree’s rather than his mother’s short temper of about 80 degree’s. He never comes anywhere close to the tolerance level of his father…which I’ve yet to see him reach boiling…so who knows.
And, he likes to agitate and aggravate until he either gets in trouble or causes Ditto Boy to get in trouble. He is what my husband affectionately calls “an ass”. And he does mean that as lovingly as possible.
Some people argue that boys will be boys and honestly, we’ve tolerated rowdy because I really do believe they are just wired differently. But the issues we are experiencing right now…these are big ones. Big problems with a big need for correction.
I thought the other night when they had to stay in the rooms alone for so long that we might have made an impression on them. They spent a majority of the time crying and calling out “Mom, Mom MooooooM, Dad, Dad, I want my Nanny, Mom” and then the rest of the time they spent asking if they could come out of their rooms.
But today, we were back to square one. Nothing seemed to stick. We used time out in their rooms alone. We used time out for the one who was the source of the problem while the other one continued to play. We took away television, we took away games, we took away toys, and I even spanked Ditto Boy for shutting Mini Me’s hands in the door (as I said for the second time in as many days).
The bottom line is these children are obnoxious little snot boxes. I love them, don’t get me wrong. But honestly they act as if they have never been disciplined. And that’s simply not the case. They fall in a heap on the floor when they don’t get their way or they run to their room, throwing toys and kicking and screaming the whole way.
Honestly, it’s ridiculous. This is my last example and then I am open for you to shoot me your best parenting advice. I received an upside down, ceiling hanging Christmas Tree from a sponsor. I was suppose to get a 7 foot tree, I got a 4 foot one. So, when the boys asked if we would go ahead and put our big tree up, we granted their request.
However, last night as we put the tree together and put lights on it, the boys were wild, running and flopping on furniture, running through the house, arguing, fighting, pushing, shoving and nagging us about when we would be putting the ornaments on the tree. Most of it was understandable to me because I know they are only kids and they are excited. But, answering them was simply not enough. They would try to negotiate with us to try to get their way.
Honestly, last night was a night filled with the words “go to your room” and “don’t mess with that” and “leave him alone”. The kid’s are out of school until January 5th, and as much as I love and adore these guys, we have to find a better way and it has to be soon.
So, I’m ready, tell me what to do, give me ideas to try….I’m listening.
Well, I have two little ones who drive me batty too [smile]. And I was one of those short-fused/huge-temper types as a kid.
So… advice?
Erm…
I do clearly tell the girls what is not acceptable. Throwing a hissy-fit is not okay. Wailing and crying for extended periods of time because they are in time-out is not okay. Having a bad attitude is not okay.
And we stick to our guns.
Consistency and love. I hear those are good things.
Still working on both [smile].
Hang in there!
~Luke